Fatboy Slim

Kaynebow! You were a former fatty! There's nothing we love more than a former ugly duckling who achieves swan-dom. Although in your case, you're more of a peacock than a swan. Little secret: one of us was a former fatty too and we know what it's like to make that trip. Congratulations on clawing your way to fierceness, Girl!

Honey, just because you like colors doesn't mean you have to wear all of them at the same time.

Apparently, in Oklahoma, they put fat kids in cages or something.

Whatever suspicions we had that he might have sought out a little extra help in the looks department are...well, let's just say they're no longer suspicions. In fact, let's play a game. We'll call it "Pick out all the parts of Kayne's head that God didn't make." Ready....GO!

And kudos to Robert, who may just have uttered the gayest thing in the history of the show.

"Well good for you, you like, shed a dress size and a half!"

True, it's no "Where the HELL is my chiffon?" but you're more likely to hear Robert's bit o' queenery at your local gay coffeehouse on Sunday morning. Trust us on that one.

Shhhhh! It's a Secret!

Save the drama for your Mama.

Ugh. This was the hardest post to write.

Good Lord, you can practically diagram the tension
and denial in this picture.

See, we're all for bringing the bitchery to the designers because, hey, they chose to do this and if you want the exposure, then you have to put up with people's opinions about your behavior. But getting nasty with someone's mom? That's tough, even for us. You have to be a real asshole to do such a thing.

Well, meet the asshole:

Now, we realize that the producers edit the hell out of this thing in order to form a "story," but no matter how open-minded we try to be, there's just no way the Angry Little Peanut doesn't come off as a major jerk in this one.

To be fair, Angela's mom was whiny and more than a little passive-agressive about the whole thing. She would have driven us right up the wall too.

Has anyone outside of a drag queen or silent movie actress
ever made this gesture to indicate they were upset?

Of course, we wouldn't have resorted to calling her a "crazy bitch" about it, but then again, our mamas raised us right. Which brings us to the next chapter in this little melodrama.

Don't touch me, bitch. Your son's an asshole.

Jeffrey's mom seems like a very sweet woman, but we can't help thinking she's spent the last 30 years having conversations exactly like the one above. Both of our mothers, had they witnessed us behaving like Jeffrey did, would have spent their time leaving bright red handprints on our faces rather than trying to make excuses for us.

Then there was Angela.

Yeah, yeah, Jeffrey's an ass, but that hat ain't exactly
helping your case, Spanky.

We were feeling pretty bad for Jubilee Jumbles. She seemed genuinely upset - and who wouldn't be? But then she had to go and do this:

We don't care if that's your mother. A designer coaching another designer's model on what to say to the judges strikes us as blatantly unethical and she should have been called on that.

Then there was the dress:

That asshole tried to put a snake down my dress!

That is some serious fug. We said that Robert's auf'ing was deserved, but really, Jeffrey was the clear loser here. He not only designed something outrageously ugly and unflattering, but he also ignored his client's wishes and treated her like shit the entire time. And don't tell us the judges didn't know about all the drama. Why else would they question Angela, Jeffrey and Laura (whose client was Jeffrey's mother) separately from the other designers? Why did they ask Angela for her opinion on how her mother looked when they didn't ask anyone else that question? Clearly, the producers were doing everything they could to ramp up the drama and like we said, that's fine when you do that to the contestants, but dragging their mothers into it was just a shitty thing to do.

Kors Light

Okay, we fell a little in love when we first saw the Persimmon Princess's mother, Joan.

Joan's the one with the deep voice.

We are outrageously jealous of the Duchess for having a Mama that looks like she's a total blast. We want to spend the day with her sipping gin, playing bridge and bitching about the neighbors.

It was cute how they dressed alike, wasn't it? Sort of a "first day of kindergarten" vibe. And when we say "cute," we of course mean "a little freaky." Fortunately, it was just for the show. We found a pic of them out on the town in their normal clothes:

Dueling Heidis

NOW IT CAN BE REVEALED!

We've blown the lid off of Project Runway's latest scandal by cracking the code of this so-called "German" Heidi tried to slip past us.

"Listen, we want to keep the crazy guy for a few more episodes. Just say you like the dress and I'll get your daughter in the final three."

"Fine. Just promise me this won't be broadcast in Germany. I'd die if my neighbors saw me in this thing."

"She loves the dress!"

Hot for Sister

"Oh Miss...we'd like some extra towels for our room and could you tell us if there's an ice machine on this floor?"

We'll get to the dress in a minute. The model? HOT. FIERCE and HOT. Girl's got a KILLER set of legs and she worked that runway like she owned it. Now we know who got the looks in the Best family.

Oh calm down, we're just teasing.

Once again, the judges got themselves moist over something we thought was kind of bland. They acted like he invented the reversible shirt dress right there on the spot. More and more, it seems the judges are pushing the designers into a narrow, marketable, department store kind of aesthetic and that's a shame.

Frankly, we thought this was a disappointing entry for Michael. The dress didn't look particularly well-fitted and the print was ugly. In fact, we can't imagine any woman reversing that dress and wearing it print out. It'd look too much like a dressing gown. That sash/belt is uncharacteristically fussy for Michael and we can't help thinking it was a last ditch attempt to spice up a boring dress.

What is it about the Best family inspiring such boredom? We picture their Thanksgiving as a large group of people softly snoring around a dinner table.

Uli, Madly, Deeply

Winner, Dammit!! WINNER!! AGH! !

We're so pissed, it's taken us all day to write this entry.

Just LOOK at this:

Gorgeous! The bitch already established herself as the princess of prints, but damn, girl really knows draping and structure, too. That is an amazingly flattering outfit. It's also stylish and very pretty.

And what do they do? We'll tell you what they do. THEY GIVE IT TO VINCENT AND HIS FRIKKIN "JONATHAN LIVINGSTON SEAGULL" DRESS. Ugh. Judges, you were smoking some bad crack last night.

Uli, Schätzchen, we owe you an apology. We thought you were capable of only one garment, but you made a believer out of us. You definitely know what you're doing.

Take me back, Barbie! Take me back!

We know we're probably gonna hear it from some of you because he was certainly a favorite, but Robert's auf'ing was totally justified as far as we were concerned. The judges spew a lot of bullshit half the time, but their mantra of "boring...boring...boring" was exactly right in his case. He produced exactly two nice outfits (the first challenge and the dog challenge - and even they weren't all that exciting; just cute) and everything else he produced was a boring, discount department store retread.

Work it, girl!

Sorry, but that's pure Lane Bryant Clearance Rack. We can't even come up with any jokes about it, that's how boring this piece was.

Robert! Some buttons, a print, feathers - anything! You didn't even pick a nice red. That one is tomatoey, which is not only not a good association to make with a plus-sized woman, but it makes her skin look yellow. What kind of 'mo are you? For shame!

Still, he was obviously loved by his co-designers and popular with viewers. We're sorry to see him go but can't say we didn't see it coming.

And it was sweet how everyone applauded him.

Our mud masks cracked in shock.

Oh, there was much distress at Chez PRGay last night. Wine glasses were thrown, high-pitched wailing was heard, and garments were rended. Okay, not so much on the rending of garments.

There is no joy in Gayville, Crazy Vincent's still not out.

Worse than that, the barking loon won it this time.

Pardon us, but this thing is kind of ugly. The collar is pure Carol Brady and he managed to take a highly attractive, mature woman with a great figure and make her look dumpy and shapeless.

It certainly wasn't the worst thing on the runway last night and it's certainly the best thing he's made all season, but there was a clear winner last night and it wasn't Captain Haldol.

Her breasts look like they're about to take off and fly south for the winter.

"America! Is crazy country, ja? Meine titsen flappity-flap!"