Okay, now we want jobs at Elle.

We have burning real estate envy when we look at Nina's office. We especially love the fact that she apparently doesn't feel the need to provide seating for anyone other than herself. She made a pregnant woman sit on an air conditioner. That's a level of fabulous bitchery of which we can only sit in awe.

Betcha her staff has to sit on the floor when she's pissed off.

We fully support any office dress code that sees spangled tank tops as appropriate and encouraged. What do they wear on casual Fridays? Bathing suits?

Mrowr, Chica! Hot! We're as gay as pink Christmas trees, but who wouldn't want a bitchy Latin woman in kickass shoes to make you sit on the windowsill in her fabulous office, bark orders at you, and kick you out? Where do we send our resumés?

Nina: Aesthetically Pleasing

What do we love about NEENAGAHCEEAAfashiondirectorofellemagazine?
Only everything.

Here is a woman who, week in and week out, sits next to another woman who is generally considered one of the most beautiful in the world and damn, the bitch holds her own. She always looks totally put together in that carefully haphazard way that good fashionistas master. She's always got a killer set of heels on and big clunky jewelry that she somehow manages to make look elegant.

And the hair! What is it about Latin women and hair? They treat their hair like it was a second set of tits on top of their head. Something to adorn, draw attention to, play with, and drive the men crazy. You can tell Nina loves her hair. She should. It's gorgeous. Just tame enough to be considered professional-looking and just wild enough to make people wonder what she looks like naked.

We love how seriously she takes fashion. Good fashion makes her almost orgasmic, but bad fashion actually offends her. When someone sends something particularly heinous down the runway, Nina acts like they just called her mother a puta or something. There are times when she looks like she's ready to leap out of her chair, rip the garment off the model and stomp up and down on it. As physically imposing as Santino is, if it ever came down to a cage match between those two, we'd have to bet on the little Colombian spitfire.

She gets a lot of crap for being a bitch, but that's just a classic example of "bitch" being defined as "smart woman with an opinion." She knows her shit and she's there to judge. There's no point in being demure about it.

On our way to Emmett's last week, we talked about whether or not we'd embarrass ourselves in front of Tim and reaffirmed to ourselves that we'd just play it cool (we see how well that plan held up). PRTotallyHeterosexualLittleSister laughed at us but then admitted "Ohmigod, if Nina's there I may lose it. LOVE HER." And that's the thing. Nina is for straight women what Tim is for gay men: someone who's totally got her shit together, is well-respected, and fabulous to boot.

That isn't to say that the gays don't love her too. In our daydreams, Nina greets us the same way she did Iman. "Welcome to the Elle closet!" *airkisses* Oh honey, that's one closet we'd happily walk into.

Now, when people ask us how they look , we slowly and diplomatically say "There iSS SSomething to be deSSired in the execution," or "You really thought about it." If someone we don't like asks us how they look, we shout "IT'S NOT AESTHETICALLY PLEASING!"

Actually, we don't wait for people to ask us how they look.

Nina: Pure Lust

Nina tries to keep it all cool and aloof, but every once in a while, she sees something and she can't keep the fashiongasm off her face.

That needs to be on me. Now.


Oh God, I would look hot with that on me.
Imagine my hair with that on me.
Against my skin? Gorgeous.

Oh, yes. That definitely needs to be on me.
At a party. In front of men. And cameras.
With those earrings that I lifted from that shoot last week.

Who could possibly look better with that on them?
God, I'm fabulous. I wonder how my hair looks right now?

Rowr!

Vincent: When I think about this dress I touch myself.

Oh, what the fuck is he still doing here? That...thing was so godawful "art school project, circa 1986" he should be embarrassed. "Avant gawde," Vincent? Puh. Leeze. If you'd slathered her in glue and thrown her in a dumpster, you would have gotten exactly the same effect.

As disturbing as this garment was, it didn't come close to the discomfort we felt when you expressed your deep and abiding love for it. For the record, what exactly did you use to stick all that paper on her? Just asking.

He is totally giving himself the subtle "press down" there. Disgusting.

"I see that come out and it turns me on. It's what matters. It is bizarre and that's what I like. It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it's told. It's awtsy, very awtsy."

"I'm gonna hurl."

I am Nina, hear me roar.

Anyone else notice that our girl Nina was a little...red hot last week?


"You SUCK!"


"Are you fucking kidding me with this cowl neck bullshit?"


"You are dead to me. Do you hear me? DEAD."


"God, why are you torturing me with these talentless hacks?"


"Do you see what you've done to me? Slackjawed! I'm slackjawed!"


"Back off, bitch! Those pants look like she took a shit in them!"


"We're gonna give it to Jubilee Jumbles? What the FUCK."


"Whatever, Heidi. It's not like I shop at Macy's anyway."

Nina honey, we love you like a gay kid love sequins, but it might be time to switch to decaf.

[Screencaps: Project RunGay]

Judging Angela Harshly, Part Zwei.

"I did not like this outfit...at all."


"And she dresses like a total asshat."

[Screencaps: Project RunGay]

Nina & Keith

Nina is all excited. She says "Can I see the back?"


And then she adds "And tell me about those buttons."

"Adorable!"

Sweetie, we love you, but c'mon. What's so innovative about buttons?

Oh look, here's a picture of Nina when she first arrived in New York.

[Screencaps: Project RunGay]